Christmas Eve is here, and it’s that time of the year that sets off all kinds of contemplation that we are adept at otherwise avoiding. The only difference between the Grinch and I is that I’m living vicariously, while overcome by a wave of emotion that I’ve been hiding from all year.
Category Archives: Musings
Holding Our Breath – Why Languishing Isn’t an Option
It isn’t easy for us to process our emotions and also keep going.
When we move towards peeling off the layer of ‘I don’t know’ to take a peek at what’s underneath, we are met with significant resistance. Do we really want to find out how we feel? It is underlined with the fear that: ‘If I pause and actually look at how I’m feeling, I’ll break.’
Musings & Conversations in 2020
In such a year, it feels futile to hold ourselves to the standards that we did (not that it stopped us). Rather than reflecting on milestones, here’s a smattering of musings and snippets from conversations this year:
Embracing the Chrysalis
Picture an idyllic summer afternoon, where you were so sure that you had enough daylight to keep playing until your heart’s content, a cocoon you retreated into deal with reality.
Reintegration from this was a challenge, because at the ripe age of twenty-three, we were expected to pay our dues by emerging from this collective cocoon as butterflies.
What would be next?
Of Squished Toys and Halos
First impressions counted a lot for me. If they were good, the person would be propped on a pedestal that I would long to be on. I’ve carried around a halo that gets passed around from person to person, even if they never asked for it. But how long can a person last on a shaky pedestal? How do we cope with their fall from grace?
An Ode to Gossip-Enablers
With so many patterns to make meaning of, we turn to our loved ones to help decide what pieces to include and which to discard.
Herculean Labour – Romanticising Struggle
Controlling struggle felt like squeezing a deflated balloon – regardless of where I squeezed, it would puff up in other places. Kinda like Whack-A-Mole.
Echoes of Worth
All of us believe that we are meant to be extraordinary. That belief drives our choices of the paths we take. Ironically, that belief is what makes us just as ordinary as the next person. What’s beautiful is that even in the face of all that ordinariness, knowing that the odds are stacked against our favour in our quest to be extraordinary, we push ourselves to do more and prove our worth. Isn’t that persistence extraordinary?
Bookworm No More
We chose to dive into worlds that promised adventure and acceptance. We would feel proud when our parents introduced us to others as a reader. It was (a part of) our identity, and out of habit, we continue to say it. Yet, now there’s guilt that seeps in instantly. Am I really worthy of calling myself a reader when I don’t really read that way anymore?
Being Sisyphus – Relapse in Recovery
When I can feel my mental health decline, I think of Sisyphus, the mortal who was cursed to roll a boulder up a hill over and over again. There’s no respite in that – you know when you get to the top that it’ll roll down again. Sometimes, you won’t even make it to the top. Every relapse would make me question all the progress I’d seen myself making over the years.
Past the Racket 